My Scribble Pad

A Birthday Present

2006-06-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

"There I said It !" She thought
"Finally I told him. After freaking 5 yrs of keeping it inside me I spit out. The cat is out of the box!"

Devu was speaking to herself as she waited for the traffic signal to turn green.

Rewind 30 mins back......

Devu sccoped out wht was left of the choclate moose from the bowl. As she licked every bit of the moose from the spoon she looked up to see him noticing her and suddenly shifting his gaze from her to the candel between them, looking a bit guilty for being caught in the act. It was always been like this, between them a some what game of hide n seek. She admires him when is he engrossed in something and he adores her when she is lost in her la la land.

It was his birthday but it was her idea of the midnight buffet. She always came up with quirky, out of the box ideas on his bday. Last time it was camping in the woods in heavy rains, the year before that it was a midnight drive to the restaurant over looking the city, on the nearby hill station where they had brandy with lukewarm water. But she always made it a point to be with him on his bday. Silently he too prefered that way. They were best friends...

"So, How was your day? Did you enjoy your bday? What did u do the whole day?" She had this habit of shooting a zillion questions at a time like a radar missile espcially when she is every excited about something.

"Hmmmm.... Well nothing unusual. Got up went to the work, mom n dad called, had lunch with Ragini, she gifted me yet another shirt and now dinner with you."

"By the the way, where is my Birthday present?"

"Well i have 2 this timeforyou . Which one do u want first ?The one in my hand or the other ?" She asked him dangling a white envelope in front him

"Hmmm......lets start with the one in you hand"

She handed over the envelope to him. It was an all expense paid trip for 2 to a resort in Kerela for 2 nights and 3 days

"Its for you and Ragini. You lovers need a break . I hope you guys have a nice time"

"Thanks yaar!"

He was flipping through the brochure
"and what about the second present" he asked her still engrossedon the brochure.

She dint respond. He looked in to her and looking into her eyes he already what was the "other present " The magic of silence worked its charm between them. They always communicated many unspoken things in the language of silence. This was one of them.

Outof no where she blurred out
"I love you Kartic. I am not expecting an answer from u but I dint want to miss another oppurtunity yet again since the last 5 years"

And she walked off.....

Yes its always been the same. Her eyes said it a zillion times in the last 5 yrs but today she said it with her mouth.

The Meeting (Part II)

2006-03-29T12:28:00.000-08:00

Standing at the parking lot leaning against my bike, my mind read through what I had scribbled in my resignation letter and felt ashamed. I tried to change the outlook of the company, make it more challenging but had never thought it would back fire at one go, like you have compressed all the power that Al-Qaeda had produced to bomb US into a sling shot and given it a whip. All I had done was shotup hell loud calling an end to tyranny, based on the belief that all men are equal. It was a selfish pursuit benefiting no-one.

I had just put an end to four years of my hard work, the dreams that I had built in these four years had kissed the floor in minutes precisely like the twin towers did.

After the presentation at the meeting, I sat them down and explained the crux of the problem if at all this advertisement was made. Hearing this my boss´ visual reprimand went unheeded wildly exaggerating the effort it took him to come up with and the idea which he thought would be an earth-shattering display in the world of advertisement. Nevertheless, the board of directors thought I had a point and instantaneously set up a team to re-revise the idea and also forecast if my prediction held any good.

My grumpy old boss called me to his chamber after everybody dispersed quitely from the conference hall. No sooner I closed the door behind me, I felt the huge packets of sound waves that potentially held more than a sound level of a 100+ decibels crash on my ear drum. I didnt bother to lend an ear to his lecture on what an asset he was to this company, pointing repeatedly as this was the dreadful insult he´d ever recieved. I tried to be my mind the first 14 n half minutes of the monologue and later gave my best in explaining him that it was just my opinion and there was nothing personal. The words from the other end got wild and offensive, running my calm and patience finally out. I slammed my palm ferociously on his table and grunted out that he and his company didnt deserve me. It was an evil, spiteful thing to do but i didnt care- just like he didnt care about his act. With no hint of hesitation and guilt he asked me to clear my table in half an hour. I stretched my hand towards him threatening to hold his neck and strangle him till he reached hell, but aimed at the pen that held on to his shirt pocket. Hitting him hard on his chest, I grabbed the pen leaving a deep impression of my fingers on his neatly pressed shirt and scribbled a resignation letter. I wish if I knew the ramifications of me being an impatient and non-tolerant were being terrifically immense.

Slamming the door behind me, I walked to my cabin leaving every evidence to the neighbourhood that I was totally pissed. Shuffled the whole space to find my stuff throwing anything belonging to the company that came my way, including the mouse that slipt into halves crashing the floor. Tucking them all below my arm-pit, i walked straight to the parking area without daring to look into the eyes of any of my colleagues.

Even as this self-chastising thoughts entered my head, I felt my shoulders automatically hunching up into a ´so what´shrug. I wondered if every man was like me. Give a man a noble cause and he would fight to the death for what he believed in, but the job he had just kicked and his once honourable principles would cease to be quite so important.

I was standing quitely, wrapped up tightly in my thoughts, that a crow flew down from the branches of the oak tree and landed on the ground right beside my feet. Straight away it began tugging at a twig over twice its own body length. Over five minutes it struggled, lines of determination etched onto its beaky little face, before it gaveup and flew off to a silver birch branch four tress to the left to recuperate. The crow was me. I was the crow. And the twig was my job. Those five minutes the crow had spent tugging at that twig, well, those were the four years I´d spent trying etch my name in the corporate world. An immense stream of pain gushed into my heart and I so desperately wanted to hold my mom, press my head against her chest and pump all the pain out. Like God and McDonalds, mom was everywhere.

I didnt think about anything for the next two minutes. Realised the light has dripping, i had to drive out of this place. I knew I didnt want to go home, I didnt know where I wanted to go. Following the road I just drove where ever destiny took me. In a few minutes I was out of the city into the subarbs, that I saw a young lady, who looked like a working woman wave towards me, may be she wanted a lift or was looking for an address. But I didnt care, I was in a shit hole and I had decided being nice and being yourself never did a good. My eyes rolled down to the mirror and they saw the lady kneeling on her feet going thud on the floor. Stopping the bike, I took a deep breath, gather my mind and turned back heading towards her. Seeing the bike that passed by a few seconds ago approaching her she walks towards it.

"Excuse me Can I help u ?"

Well actually yeah could u please drop me to my convent?
"I had gone to the city library and due to some problems in the city there were no transport to get back. Can u help me please."

"Well sure hop in"
"By the way my name is Kartic"

"I am Devaki" she whispered.

During one of those numerous discussion we have Anjan n me decided that he will try his hand at writing fiction with "The Meeting (Part 2) ". Although this is his first try at writing fiction, I feel he has come up with a brilliant job .
If u like what he has written do let him know that.

Anjan blogs here

Bungee Jumping

2006-03-21T10:11:00.000-08:00

There was nothing extra ordinary about her. No fancy name with deep hidden poetic meaning, an average performer at work with just one promotion in the last 3 years where the others have managed to climb up the hierarchy in a matter of months . Amidst the crowd she was almost unnoticeable. There was nothing outstanding in Preeti's life. The same routine life - work to home , home to work. No weekend plans , no parties, no outings, no once a year holidays/ vacations unlike her colleagues who went exploring places.

Back in her college days she wanted to be like journos in the TV standing in midst of the action covering the news wearing starched cotton khadi kurta teamed with white salwaars , she wanted to go hitch hiking in the rain forests, wanted togo bungee jumping,explore the world, see places. But all the josh in her ceased the moment she was out of college and when the realities of Life started hitting right on her face.

Some how she had got used to the average - routine life and although not very thrilled abt it she wasn't either complaining. Her funda was "it cud have been worse". Alteast that is what she said to console herself guilt, anger or frustration nipped her.

Today was just another regular boring day for Preeti , nothing unusual at all. She was waiting for her bus # 311 which took her to her office Andheri. She was immersed in her own thoughts and the nxt thingtht happened to her was something unexpected and unknown. She had no idea where hoe or when it happened. For a moment she almost had a balckout and the next thing she saw was the massive front of th red bus right behind her back just a couple of inches away from the winshield shatterd into a million pieces all scattered acroos the place. If the driver would have not hit the breaks in time the bus wud she wud have been history.

Slowly things started sinking in and people were all crowded and for the first time in her she was the center of every bodys attention and for all wrong reasons. Someone passed her a bottle of water which she gulped it down in one go. Every body was inquiring if she was alright and was fussing over her.,some were busy accusing the driver and eventually the people were more bothered abt tackling the careless driver. Aidst all the chaos she slowly slipped into a auto and reached office. Ignoring to fetch her first coffee forthe day wthout which she couldnever move an inch at work she straight away went to her cubicle switched on her computer and typed it out, took out print copies and went in to meet her Cluster manager Mr Gurjar . She handed over the envelope and waited for him to open it.

As she prepared to leave the room Mr Gurjar asked " So have to landed up a better job or what is it ? "
"Nope I am gona go bungee jumping and then explore the Amazon rain forest" she replied with a tiny smile dancing in the corner of her lips.

She knew that she had make the best out of the second chance given to her by LIFE

Temporarily out of action

2006-01-19T10:08:00.000-08:00

The last couple of days have been a mad race for me at work. Unfortuately it is going to be the same way at least till mid February. With my hands already full I dont think I will be able to blog much and will have to excuse my self from the blog world for sometime. But I will make it a point to visit blogs and comment as and when time permits me to. Till then adios.

The Meeting (Part 1 )

2005-11-25T14:48:00.000-08:00

The phone bell tore into the silent hot afternoon when she had slipped into a light slumber. A bit irritated and wearied she dragged herself to the hall and picked up the receiver.

"Hello Can I speak to Ms Devaki Nair"
"Yes this is Devaki...Who is this?"

Devu couldn't remember the rest of the conversation clearly. As she put the receiver down she felt the room spinning
Is it possible? Can it be true? Or was this a joke? she thought.

hurriedly she took out a set of kurtha from her cupboard and slipped into it, washed her face and ran the combed through her already tied hair. She put on her rimless glasses and grabbed her purse and house keys as she slipped into her shoes. Before closing the house she took a last took around just to make sure if she didn't miss anything. Well it was more of a habit for her to take a last look at her house and see if the balcony door has been closed or if she forgot to switch off any lights or fan.

Outside the sun was merciless and it was unbearably hot, she waved to a auto and asked "Jalvayu hospital, Tilaknagar?"

The auto sputtered on blowing the dusty road. There were not many people or vehicles on the road. Even the shopkeepers had kept the shutters half closed while they enjoyed an afternoon siesta filled with small sweet dreams.
E7 ,Ward 12 was all that was in Devu's mind. She still remembers the first time when they had met. The memory is so fresh in her mind that it felt as though that it just happened yesterday. But that was actually 8 years ago when she was just 19 young and he had just passed out of naval training and was on his first official posting.

She was the wild horse, untamable, rebellious and alive. He was the good looking adventurous guy who created a thousand ripple in every gals heart. She was sent to live with the nuns in a boarding school in this small city. Her father thought that a convent education will make her a lady and change her outlook towards life. Surely did her life change but not the way she expected it to be.

Sunday was the only day the gals were allowed to leave the boarding premises but had to return back to the convent at sharp 9.00pm. A minute later than that would mean severe punishments and also being grounded for the rest of the month.

So on this bright Sunday evening she took a bus to the city market to borrow some books for the local city library, she didn't know that her life was about to change 360 degrees. The city market was about a hour and half bus ride away. The nuns had made sure that the girls will not have any kind of distractions by setting up the convent far away from the hussle and bussle of the city.

Once Devu reached the city she got some books from the local library and went straight to her fourth coffee shop. The old man at the counter quickly recognized his favorite catty customer and promptly brought her a hot meat croziants and a cup of coffee, her usual order. She sunk her teethe in to the delicious crozziants and took a sip of the coffee and had immersed herself in the new novel she had picked up from the library. A sudden crashing sound across the road kill her attention aways from the book. Across the street she saw a crowd gather up instantaneously around a big large bus. Suddenly there was a lot of commotion on the road people were shouting and some were banging the exteriors of the bus and somewhere thrashing the bus driver and the conductor.

The coffee shop owner told her that the bus driver had run over a rickshaw fellow and he died on the spot. By now Devu could see that the some people had stopped another ongoing bus and had started breaking the windows and winsheild of the bus, they were asking the people to get down and threatened the driver that they will burn the bus if the bus moved even an inch. The commotion seized after an hour or so when the police came and arrested some people.

Devu thought that now it would be safe for her to start her way back to the convent. When she went to the bus stand some one told her that due to the arrests and the accident of the rickshaw fella all the bus services have been cancelled. Its seems that this had become a political issue and some shit.
Devu looked at her watch -7.30
"If I don't reach the convent before 9.30 I will be screwed"

She decided to walk a little further and see if she could get a rickshaw, but due to the commotion with a possibility of a riot none of the rickshaws were ready to venture out. She decided that she will have to either ask for a lift or will a have to make it on foot all the way back. Asking a lift was a bit risky especially during such a tense situation at the city so she opted for the later.

Walking out of the city was rather peaceful with people but as Devu left the city and went deeper into the outskirts she regretted her decision. Walking alone wasn't really fun either. And to top it it was getting dark and there were no street lights either. She cursed the government for all this.

A couple hours later Devu knew that she wont make it on time to the convent and doubted if her aching legs will move an inch further. Just then she heard the sound of a bike coming towards her direction. To save her almost paralyzed legs and the nuns punishment she held out her hand and waved to the bike. But the bike just zoomed by and didn't even show any sings of stopping by. She looked back at the fading image of the bike and just sat down on the road with a thud.

Small pearls of tears rolled out of anger and frustration. As she wiped her tears giving her self a pep talk she could hear the bike again now coming from the opposite direction. She turned back to see the same bike coming back and it slowed down, stopping a few feet ahead of her. Devu reluctantly walked towards him.

"Excuse me Can I help u ?"

Well actually yeah could u please drop me to my convent?
"I had gone to the city library and due to some problems in the city there were no transport to get back. Can u help me please."

"Well sure hop in"
"By the way my name is Kartic"

"I am Devaki"

We are still good friends......

2005-10-04T15:22:00.000-07:00

I don't remember the first time I saw him, although he was always around, right from day one.... But it never occurred to me to even try to know what his name was .One thing I distinctively remember about him was his happy face, and the naughty smile that danced around the rim of his lips . It really suited his kiddish face and the unusual hair cut or was that the shape of his head... I don't know.

He had the right proportion of childishness and mature thinking, and easily slipped into each skin without any difficulty as per the demands of the circumstances. I don't think I have heard anybody bitch about him, and this really made him seem different in my eyes. Why wouldn't I be mersmerized by him ? In a place where gossiping and bitching is thing to pass the time or just to be a part of the know it all club he really has to be something special to be not bitched about. Sometimes I even envied his happy go lucky and ever so sweet nature, and had come to believe that he is man of no worries or trouble .....

At that time I didn't how wrong I was. It was not until we started working on the same project did I actually talked to him for the first time. Nothing special just some work related queries. I could notice that he liked to pull my leg and get teased by me, in good spirit ofcourse. A couple of days down the line we had become good friends, almost inseparable friends, some of our colleagues even speculated an affair between both of us. I donno if I had some feelings from him, after all its just been 2 weeks since we have started working together. I thought probably time will prove what I feel. But one thing I failed to realize was time was something which we didn't have at our disposal.

2 days later he put down his resignation for a better job in the UK. His mother is suffering from cancer and he had was the sole earning member in his family with three younger sisters who were yet to be given in marriage.
Although we would have been great as a couple, he knew that he had much more important responsibilites toward his family.
I respect his...............

We continue to mail each other sometime and exchange a few SMS es and occasional phone calls. We are still good friends......

A Rainy Day

2005-09-15T14:19:00.001-07:00

She sipped her tea slowly, and occasionally blew it to make sure the tea didn't burn her lips. She scanned the sky for some positive signs.

He came in the kitchen with newspaper in hand and scanned through it hopefully.
Both of them were looking for the signal form the Rain God to move out of the house, afraid that they might wake up the demons between them which has been put to sleep a long time ago, to be precise a few months into their courtship.

During the initial days after their marriage everything was covered up under the bubbles of the excitement to explore each other physically and the "Just Married" tag their family and friends had labeled them. But once the bubbles fizzed out and life was adjusted to a routine their grey sides started showing up.

He was a workaholic. Work, success and money was his priority. Failure was not a word which existed in his dictionary, when it came to business.
She always wanted something more from life More fun, more friends, more popularity and much much more. . She was upset that he took least interest in her Life and was always busy with his meetings and his business deals. He never bothered to see what she wrote and never appreciated her for what she claimed to be - A Writer. Infact he dispised her as a writer and once even commented "This is just something to keep urself from getting bored as a rich man's wife. Other women join Kitty groups you Write columns."

Their differences turned to distances between them. Initially both avoided talking about their professional life and then eventually their personal life became something of their own. Although they lived under one roof they lived two separate lives where there was no place for the other. He stayed away in the name of business trips, meetings and conferences and she in the name of her column, book publishing and socialite parties.

So today when the entire city has come to a standstill because of the heavy rains, both felt that might step on the wrong foot and dig up the differences to the surface. At the same time pretending to be strangers in each others physical presence was also difficult, because deep below the distance and differences they both had feelings for each other which has bee long sedated and numbed.

The Morning Jog

2005-08-31T12:09:00.000-07:00

It had become a routine for him to see her gazing at nothing facing the sea every single day when he went jogging. He wondered what must be on her mind that made her come every single day to the very same spot and immerse her eyes into the blue sea and gaze into nothingness.

He tried to read her eyes sometimes while catching a breath or two during his jog. Was she sad, was she lonely, was she bored or was she simply soaking herself in the pleasant feeling of sea side early in the morning.

It was the same routine for over a year so much so her sight became a habit for him. Until one fine morning she was not there at the usual spot. He was surprised and wondered the reason why? Was she sick ? Must have gone out of the city or was she plain tired of doing the same thing for a year. It was then he tried to think about her , beyond the picture he saw every day of her standing at the sea side. He wondered if she was married or if she had any kids ? He wondered is she worked somewhere? Quiet frankly he was a bit irritated and disappointed that she was not there as usual. He was so used to her there. Sudden guilt crept over him for the fact the he never attempted to atleast get to know her name or say a casual hi as others always do.

With these thoughts racing through his mind he decided to get a cup of coffee from the coffee shop across the street. He went up to the counter and ordered a cup of creamy cappuchino and paid for it. As he sipped the creamy coffee he realized that he was addicted to her just as he was addicted to the cup of coffee he had on his hand.

Fresh

2005-08-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

Aarti could smell the crispy fresh smell of the sheets as she rested my head on the pillow she felt was being transported to heaven. Lying there on her bed she wondered if this the one experienced the bliss of paradise.Mondays were never Aarti's day it always gave a feeling of beginning of a endless tiring journey. But the only thing she looked forward to on Mondays are when the bed linens are taken out for laundry and fresh clean crisp linens are spread across the bed.

Turning her face to the pillow she could smell the floral smell of detergent mixed with a tinge of the smell of the sunlight under which it was dried. The bed was cold and cozy and it proved to be a absolute heaven from the afternoon scorching sun outside. Aarti was relaxed and comfortable on her bed. But she knew that this comfort is a short lived one and it is not going to be the same at the end of the day and it will get worst for days to come during the week.

This bed has been her companion for over six months now, ever since the car accident left her paralyzed below the hip. Initially doctors gave some hope that there would be improvement with continuous physiotherapy and some amount of exercise and medication but as the months passed the doctors words of encouragement seem hollow and hopeless to her Aarti herself lost hopes ever getting out her bed. Last month Doctors have diagnosed that her liver function is weak and its condition will worsen since the accident had damaged its functions. She knew that that cannot be chained to the bed any longer. In days her liver will give up on her and all that will be left will be her body which began the processing of decomposition long before life parted from itself.

For now she wanted to soak in the feeling of freshness she hasn't felt in many days.

Dirty Dancing

2005-08-19T13:58:00.000-07:00

She looked at her watch , it was 3.45 am. Malini inserted the keys in the key hole opened the door cautiously, afraid that the doors screeching noise might wake up the neighbors. Once inside she went to the fridge and took out a bottle of water and gulped it down as though she has been thirsty for a decade. Then she went to the bathroom to scrub herself of all the dirt in the body. She wanted to scrub off the smell of smoke and tobacco which was stuck to her like a second layer of skin. She didn't want to leave a trace of the place she came from. She quickly started removing the make up on her face which was useless in concealing her visibly dark circles under her eyes. She despised her job more especially at such times when she looked at herself in the mirror.

Looking at her reflection she pitied the today remembering the yesterday when she came to Mumbai with innocence and dreams of becoming a model in her eyes. But life in Mumbai showed no mercy. With no one of the fashion industry to guide her or refer her she rocked between one agency to the other, some of them asking for enormous amount of commission other were more interested in getting her to bed. Finally when she ran out of money and was not able to pay her rent and was almost about to be thrown out of her pg accommodation , a girl in the same chawl introduced her to Anna the owner of the Bar who readily gave the job to her. Soon she was dancing to the tune of the latest Hindi masala songs feeding the hunger of sick minded men who never wasted a chance to take advantage of her flesh. But this was the only option she found to keep herself from dying of starvation.

Malini lived in a apartment located in a fairly conservative middle class society. She had told the landlord that she works for a hospital as a night nurse so she took extra care to make sure that her didn't arouse any suspicion of the neighbors about her dirty secret.

As Malini wiped off the bloody red lipstick from her lips, she wished to wipe out the guilt inside as easily as the smudged lipstick from her lips. She doubted if she ever will be able to live free of guilt that haunted her ever time she saw her reflection on the mirror.

A Journey

2005-08-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

She looked out of the window of the car and was lost in thoughts. Thoughts which infested her like a spreading cancer killing her as ever second passes by. Her mind popped a zillion questions in a single second. She definitely knew something went wrong in those 37 minutes between the last 2 phone calls she got from him. She wanted to know what made him cold and soulless in a matter of minutes. Was it something she had said? Is it something at work ? Or Is it something much bigger than all these? She raked her mind to come up with some thing but all she could find was questions and more questions.

She cursed the day she met him for the first time. Despite her intuitions blaring red signals telling her that this friendship is going to end in a way she would never want. Its not that she ignored her inner voices, she tried to keep him at an arms length, she avoided him in the cafeteria, when he came and sat next to her to have lunch she didn't get into any small talks instead ate the food silently. And even told him directly that she would like to spend her lunch break alone when he tried to accompany her for a walk after lunch. But destiny had something else in store. He was the last person in the world she wanted to bump into on her b'day at the mall. Their meeting ended up with a quiet dinner in a fairly decent restaurant, the chemistry between them was so instant that they ended up talking late into the night until the restaurant was about to close. Since then there were countless hours of conversation about sweet nothings. And everything seems so normal when until today. What could it be ? Why did it happen this way? These questions haunted her restless mind. She wanted let her helplessness and frustration out but How? Who would understand her state of mind?

The car stopped with a screech in front of her house and she jerked back to present, a present without him and hoped hopelessly to live in the past forever.

Cleaning the Clutter in Life

2005-08-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

So after decades I finally cleaned my wallet. This is one thing which I never clean cause I always have this feeling that all the knick knacks I shove in it might come handy some time or the other and yeah it has been so sometimes but rarely.

So what did I find in my wallet? Well first a huge bundle of ATM slips dating back to my grandfather's time. Ok I am exaggerating it a bit too much but realistically I had ATM slips dating back to Jan 05 ...... Jan 05 ?? What the heck is it gona be of any help to me ????

Well moving on, I found a bill for the shoe I purchased back in February this year.... (what was I thinking that the shoe had a 1 year warranty?). then some bus tickets (just incase if I had a change in profession and became a bus conductor) , food bazaar bills (I don't even know what was I thinking at the time I decided to save it, probably I was thinking of creating a fossil out of it ) , food coupons which have expired (don't ask me) etc etc....

Why I am I holding on these things ???? Surely there is no emotional attachment to any these stuff. It makes me wonder how difficult it is to let go off things we have accumulated over the years and find it impossible to dispose it off.

For example when I went to visit my grandmother last after 11 long years I saw a rag cloth which was a curtain when I last visited her 11 years back. I was glad that the piece of cloth was demoted from a curtains status to a rag piece.

My mom has treasured one of my dolls - those which used to open and closed its eyes, and also cry and laugh. The state of the doll is beyond my explanation - its stuffing has lost its fluff and most of the stuffing is not even there, so the doll just has a layer of a piece of cloth to be called its body. Some how its looks like the evil sister of Chunky the evil doll in "Childs play".

I used to collect all types of cards - b'day, xmas, valentines day, friendships day, than friendship bands, glittered stickers with those messages like "I miss U" and stuff, pens ( I am still crazy abt stationery), fancy note pads and many other stuff when I was in school and a bit of junior college too. But finally I got over the habit as I was pursuing a life of vagabond for sometime.

(I know u must be thinking that this is hereditary)

Although I have learned to discard materialistic clutter I am yet to learn to discard the emotional clutter. Its a very difficult task which I am trying to learn as best as I can because I feel its human tendency to carry emotional baggage every time and every where.
But the point is why is it so hard to let of the baggage especially when it is gona make one feel better and live better ??? I guess humans are programmed this way.